pissed

i suddenly got incredibly pissed. no warning at all, just got mad. i mean, i gave Y everything he ever could want from me, and wat did i get? i fucken broken heart, that i feel like never can be healed cuz its just always sore and bleeding and i cant get it to stop hurting. and it just hurts and hurts and hurts and i just want someone to take it away from me. i dont wanna deal with it anymore im so sick of pain, im tired of feeling like a fucken failure. and im sick of being afraid of doing things. i used to be so afraid to talk to people, call people, cuz that they mite judge me or something. and now i realize thats all bullshit, and i should just do wat i want. i mean, id rather regret doing something then regret doing nothing at all.

i luv the song by Kelly Clarkson "Behind These Hazel Eyes" because it reminds me so much of Y. of how much energy i put into him and how hurt i got and how better i was emotionally i was b4 i met him. if i was a trainwreck before that, im a fucken airplane crash now. i dunno watever, im just not gonna let life bother me, and that includes guys, parents and wat ever the fuck comes my way.